I’ve been at my mom’s place for the past week, almost 2 weeks. Although I still don’t often leave the house, it’s better than crying inside my room everyday. My baby siblings are very noisy, the eldest of the younger sibling is a gamer, he’s okay. The second always screams so I always end up cursing and screaming at him,the youngest is very cute and playful and feminine (jk).
I was supposed to be only here for like 2-3 days but it turns out that my aunt decided to go back home to Manila without me and then she left for Singapore. Besides the fact that I don’t have any clothes here, I also felt uncomfortable sleeping with other people around me. I got used to it though, and my mom made me wear some of her clothes and we bought some underwear hahahaha. The kids around here would stay up until 12 in the morning outside of our house even though they still have school on the next day, which I think is kind of irresponsible for the parents but who am I to judge. I’m also thankful for the friends I made even though I usually turn them down when they want to hangout because I’m just too lazy to go out. And when they ask me to come with them at daylight, I would usually be to shy to approach them damn it )):
My mom’s really awesome, she’s like a sister to me. It’s okay with her if I cussed too much and I can also talk to her about my (love)life (chos). But sometimes she always starts a fight with her second husband and then she would cry for a few hours and she’ll tell him that she’ll leave the house together with her kids. At first, I tried understanding her but then after a while, I saw the real situation. She was very upset when he cheated on her and she’s kinda scarred which left her very depressed. I feel sorry for her and for my future sibling since my mom’s pregnant again. Yes, so overall, we’re going to be 7. HAHAHA
I saw my mom and dad last August 10th on the same day after like, 11 years so I was very happy. We (My eldest true brother, my dad, and I) went around but since there aren’t any good malls around here, we went home early. One of the problems in being me is that I don’t feel comfortable buying my own things with someone so I’ll end up not buying anything at all. hahaha.
I don’t think I have ever talked about the fact that me and Potato are okay again after 28 days. I was relieved since my original plan was to not talk to him until next year, but he stated his apologies and I couldn’t be any happier. He told me that he’ll spend more of his time talking to me, At first two convos, he started them but I was very nervous that he’ll think I’m clingy again so my answers were very dull so the convos only lasted for 20 minutes. It was okay for me though, I got used to it. Naisip nya pala na wala na akong gusto sa kanya dahil dun. Stupid. SoI started talking to him again and then he doesn’t talk to me that much anymore so I got disappointed again but I just let it be, I just muted him on fb and bla bla I’m too lazy to type all the story down. I’m just disappointed, bow.
Also, I haven’t updated this blog in a month. I wanted to update this for a long time but I just don’t have the motivation since I was very sad, then I got lazy. And bla bla bla. Hello, I died my hair purple but it turned red instead hi
POSTED ON Aug 21, 2014 AT 05:00 PM \
// BEST WEEK EVER // *SARCASM*
So yesterday, I met up with Janna so she can help me find a job. We went to Market! Market!’s Starbucks first and apparently they weren’t accepting resume and I must apply on their website. One of the Baristas gave me card and then we said our thank yous and goodbyes.
We then went to Serendra for Jamba Juice. First, we saw another Starbucks branch and then she decided to try applying for a job, too. And then she was asked for a resume. So Janna will come back on Sunday to try applying, too. I then I decided to come with her on Sunday.
We finally walked to Jamba Juice while it was raining and we approached a pretty worker and asked if we have a resume. I gave mine and then she said that she’ll just give it to their manager. Then she saw my The Maine pin and then she fangirled and omg girl crush ko na sya omg.
We went to SM Aura NBS next to find a bio data, but they weren’t selling any so we ate at Mcdo and just talk about random things. God, I miss this girl.
Fullybooked, and we chilled.
Went back to Market! Market! NBS and tried to find a bio data. None. Walked around, ate ice cream, stared at people and then laughed so much, walked around again, laughed while walking and we were doing so much crazy things and some people were staring at us but we didn’t care, it was so much fun.
We decided to go back to Serendra. On our way out, I saw some guys near Breadtalk, I thought it was Kreshin but I didn’t really looked at them, I just continued walking and somebody called me. Yep, it was Kreshin with his friend. Anyways, Serendra!!
And then somebody texted me if they can join us and nagpakilala na siya si Kreshin, I wondered how he got my number. Janna said that she doesn’t want them to join us so I just ignored the message.
Sat on the grass and talked about things.
Went back to Market! Market! and found a bio-data at the Department store. Yaaaaayyyy.
And then we walked around, smelled some different perfumes, laughed, helped her find a gift for her LDR boyfriend, ran around, laughed, and acted like we were kids. Funnn. We were going to go home, and someone called me, it was Kantrex this time. I just said hi to them and then went to the Jeepneys. I stayed quiet the whole ride and when I reached my destination, I said “para.” and when I was about to go down, the jeep moved again.
This is going to be embarrassing to say but I fell on my back in the middle of the road. Said “fuck.”, got up to my feet, went to the sidewalk, and when I saw my left hand, the wrist bone was dislocated. Then I touched my head, I felt the pain, and then I started to cry. A woman asked me if I’m okay, my vision was blurry and there were white lights everywhere. I thought I was going to die to be honest. She escorted me to the nearest place where there were lots of people. They helped me get in contact with my uncle but they couldn’t reach them. They elevated my arm and told me to calm down. I was crying so hard. Then they decided to drive me to my house.
Our house helper freaked out and my uncle was at home. I was still crying, I looked pretty pathetic but my arm looked horrible and I was panicking. They said thank you for helping me and then drove to the hospital, drove by the part of the town where Potato lives and I cried even harder. The traffic was crazy so we went back home. I didn’t stopped crying until this afternoon, it still dislocated and it still hurts like a bitch. They still didn’t send me to the hospital.
I typed all these with only one arm and it’s hard as fuck. Also this may be tmi, but my period seems to be running late, and I hope it stays that way, or else I’m going to have a hard time. I really hope everything’s going to be fine even though they still didn’t make any effort to fix my bone.
Hey, I got my heart and wrist broken in less than a week. Definitely one of the best week ever. Still, I’m thanking God that I didn’t had an injury much worst than this. And one of my best uncle’s coming back home tomorrow. Almost all of my uncle are great on my mother’s side, but this uncle understands me and he always make me laugh. They were all great siblings, I just don’t know what happened to my aunt and she treats me like shit.
POSTED ON Jul 11, 2014 AT 06:00 PM \
Anonymous asked : We have the same fucked up situation.
I really hope it gets better for us both. (:
POSTED ON Jul 7, 2014 AT 09:53 AM \
I always thought to myself that if I had a boyfriend, I will love him with all my heart and I will be the greatest girlfriend ever. I guess I was wrong. I wasn’t great at all, I was just like everyone else. I became the person I promised myself that I wouldn’t be.
I had the person I have always wanted and craved for for years, and I swear, I was the happiest human being on Earth. And I lost him because I was selfish. I was depressed and I expected him to be there for me. I always thought that he was going to be the one who will save me or the person who will be there for me while I fix myself. I didn’t think about him, I only thought of myself getting out of my own problems when in reality, I wasn’t doing anything for myself. I depended only on him. I realized that only I can do it. I shouldn’t expect people to share my sadness with me. And because of my of stupidity, I lost him.
I thought too much, and I always craved him. I wanted him to be always there for me, I didn’t think of anything else, and I didn’t realized that I was already choking him. I read too much blog posts on the internet that if he’s not making any efforts, he’s not really interested. I never really thought that we were in a completely different situation.
I decided earlier that I should let him go, but I changed my mind because I realized that I couldn’t stand the idea of losing him and before I know it, he found out, he was hurt, and he made the first move. My heart was breaking, it still is. I thought about letting go of someone I really cared about and here I am, facing the consequences for my careless actions.
For now, I will do my best to change, to solve my own problems, to stop thinking so negatively, learn to trust every word he says, if he says he loves me, he loves me. I hope I won’t be too late to get him back. I don’t want anyone else, and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I will change not only for him, but for myself. I need to stop hiding myself from people, and I should start not caring about what I think about what they think about me and live my life.
I love him so much and I know he’s only doing this to make myself better and mature and for him to focus on his studies and not having to deal with me. It’s okay for me to cry my eyes out tonight, but tomorrow, when I wake up, I better get my shit together. I’m not going to let him get away that easily, or better yet, I’m never gonna let him go. I just hope he does the same, I hope still feels the same way, and he’s just waiting for me to get better.
POSTED ON Jul 6, 2014 AT 07:40 PM \
First Night of July ‘14
I gotta stay high all the tiiime, to keep you off my miiind~ lol
POSTED ON Jul 2, 2014 AT 02:54 PM \
Photodump: Last week of June 2014
Found this flower on our backyard, sadly, it’s dead now.
Took these photos while I was making a video. Sadly, I accidentally deleted all the videos. Damn it. haha.
Because Ed Sheeran’s ‘X’ album is out nooowww!!!
I cleaned my room, moved my table, and arranged my things while listening to Rx 93.1. They were also giving away tickets to Sam Tsui’s concert. I wanted to join but I was 101% sure that they won’t let me go anyway so.
Drew some things in the middle of the night and wrote some notes to take note of when applying for a job. Also, I decided to try applying for Jamba Juice hahahaha!
I literally never left this house in a week? Almost 2 weeks, and I’m slowly dying of depression and boredom. I hate my life. Oh, and my camera’s still fucked so I’m currently using my new phone. It’s okay, I guess. I mean it’s only 5 mega-pixels, but I can live with this.
POSTED ON Jun 27, 2014 AT 06:00 PM \
ketchup and fries = <3
I don’t know if I ever shared this here on tumblr, or any other social network, but since I told him that my nickname for him was potato, he told me that he’ll call me tomato. So yeah, I made a.. thing. :D
12:40 edit: Also, I noticed that whenever I post a photoset, my theme always cuts off the photo/s on the bottom, if anyone knows how to fix this, please message me!! huhu
12:42 pm edit: never mind, i fixed it hehe
POSTED ON Jun 19, 2014 AT 12:37 PM \
Hi guys!! *everyone gasps* “She’s alive!!”
Yep, I didn’t update my blog for like, what? 3-4 weeks? I don’t know, I guess I was just very lazy to update it. Trust me, I think about this blog a lot. I lost some followers, and uhm, yeah. I’m pretty active on twitter though. And I started vlogging a few day ago!! Of course, I wouldn’t post it anywhere public, it’s mainly for my own purpose, for me to look back on someday. I think it’s getting along pretty well, I guess.
Nikko and I went to our very first date ever last Saturday yay. There were some complications in the middle of it but whatever. Eh, fuck it. Uhm, huh, what, wat. We were suppose to watch TFIOS at like 1 pm but the earliest time of the showing was at 4:30 pm so we just walked and sat around. And since, as I said before, I’m starting a vlog, I decided to take a video of some things. I regret nothing! You know how I didn’t cry when I read the book? Well, I also didn’t cry when I watched it. I guess I’m just really a heartless bastard. He got teary eyed, hahaha, which was cute. We went home at around 7(???) and I gave him a mixtape. Idk what happened next. haha, we went home. ._.
POSTED ON Jun 17, 2014 AT 07:00 PM \
If you really love her, you will always try.
If you really love her, you will always try to make her smile even if she feels like she’s carrying all the problems of the world. You will always try to make an effort to put that little curve in her lips. You wont stop unless you will never see her with that contagious yet oh so sweet smile.
If you really love her, you will always try to keep in touch with her. You wont allow a day to passed without even talking or sending her messages and thoughts to remind her that you’re always there and that if she needs someone you’re just right beside her ready to accompany her.
If you really love her, you will always try to make efforts just to prove to her how much you really love her. You will tell it to her in every possible way wherein she can really feel it and make her realize that she really matters to you.
If you really love her, you will always try to understand her because you know she’s a girl and girls do have a very complicated mind. They have this annoying attitude which is time to time mood swings. At one moment they’re okay and with just a blink of an eye they start to get upset with no clear reason. You will try to understand her feelings and instead of getting mad at her, you’ll just make some way to lighten up her mood.
If you really love her, you will always try to do stuffs with her even if you’re too busy. In that way, she will notice and recognize how much you prioritize her and by that she will always think that she’s on top of your list and that you wont replace her with other things.
If you really love her, you will always try to be patient with her even if you want to give up already because she’s just too hard-headed and you cant take it anymore. You will always look for some reasons to stick to her because you know that she’s the one who can make you happy not to mention that she’s really a pain in your ass sometimes.
If you really love her, you will always make her feel loved everyday. You will never give up and you will never fail to tell and do things to make her believe that you really do. You wont stop courting her everyday even if she’s your girl already. Because that’s just what true love to his girl means. It simply means not giving up on her no matter what you’ve been through just to be with her. It means fighting for her, with her until the end of time. A true love of a guy means making his girl believe that forever still exists.
POSTED ON May 22, 2014 AT 07:04 PM \
I am scared of falling in love, of craving you every second of every day, of needing you, of being addicted to you. I am scared of missing you more than I can handle, of losing you and myself in you. I am scared of not being enough, and of seeing my insufficiency in your eyes
POSTED ON May 21, 2014 AT 01:42 PM \